Every fat girl's worst sporting nightmare
Since I recently posted the 5 scary things for fat girls, I didn’t want to do another fear list, but don’t be confused: this is a hate/fear combination. Nothing good about the lot. And I don’t presume to speak for all fat girls. Just this one.
1. Modern standardized seats built for people with 1920s hips.
I am seriously bothered (to the point of potentially needing therapy) about this one. Airplanes are included. Now, mind you, I don’t need a shoehorn to wedge myself in and out–or anything like that–but when you put two people (perfect strangers) together who actually have womanly hips (even if one happens to be a man) for 9 innings in 80 degree weather…not a good combo. I’m not grossed out by the amount of sweat generated between those two said legs, I’m bothered by the fact that I infringe on the personal space of another person I don’t know and don’t want to know. Our rubbing fat regions were an embarassment to me but a conversation starter for him. Ugh.
2. Plastic, solid seats.
On the same note, what happened to the wooden, slatted seats in the days of Babe Ruth, where the sun and personal sweating didn’t conspire to leave you feeling like a big, fat sweat target stuck itself to your ass while you’re enjoying a baseball game? Worse, there’s no way to check and make sure. It just feels gross. Slatted seats will at least help with the ventilation.
3. Standing Up To Cheer
Of all my womanly features, my ass is the most embarassing. I take every precaution to cover it and hide it (which, I figure, only draws more attention to it). So when the row of seats behind me is about a foot apart, it makes for a long sitting night. I don’t even like to go out of the row to the bathroom. Of course, sitting in a puddle of pee IS more embarrassing than having someone see my ass, but it’s still not a fun thing to do.
4. Obnoxious, skinny girls (who know nothing about baseball) in short skirts with no boobs who talk as loud as humanly possible about sex and their personal lives with men who don’t know them/are stupid enough to listen, laugh, ask perverted questions and buy the girl more beer.
Two reasons:
1. My son does not need to learn about your nipples at a baseball game and
2. I hate short skirts at sporting events. Especially when worn by skinny, loud, drunk sluts.
5. Eliminating the DH at NL ballparks in interleague play.
Not everything in my life is related to my bad body image obsession. But I do hate watching my AL pitcher try to bat in an NL ballpark. Seriously painful. Enough with the showed/real bunt already.
What about you? What do you hate most about major sporting events from your perspective as a beautifully curved woman? And don’t say “the game” because I’m as much a sports junkie as a donut lover. Leave me a comment so we can lament (and bitch) together!