Just a word of warning…this might be a long post, but if that bugs you–tough. It’s my blog. I’m feeling the urge to write, and I’ve got a solid hour before I even think about bedtime. Take those two reasons combined with the fact that I’ve really started feeling crappy about my personal health (yes, read that as “fatness”) lately, you’re in for a treat. (Not a chocolate-covered one, either).
You may have noticed my absence from the blogging arena over the last few months. (then again, maybe not). I’ll be honest–I’ve really not felt like blogging (not just here, don’t feel neglected) but at my main (writing) blog as well. I think part of the reason–possibly a big part of it–is in going back to school. I just don’t have the time, motivation or energy some days to sit and type. My schedule has adjusted from waking up at 6:30 to now waking at 4:30. (Yes, AM). Instead of enjoying the sunset and going to bed around 11, I wake up in the dark and go to bed in the dark–I usually hop into bed before 9:30. In the meantime, I’m making dinner, cleaning, napping…all things I must do to maintain sanity and some type of healthy lifestyle to keep going.
But it’s wreaked total and complete havoc on my body. In the past two years, I think I have gained almost 30 pounds. I attribute this to a few things–a job change where I don’t get to set my own schedule, where I wake up so early it feels like I’m still on the day before, a really rotten lunch time (my lunchtime is 10:10 am, leaving me desperately famished when it’s time to go home despite a snack or two during my lesson prep time), being mentally, emotionally, physically & psychologically drained after raising other people’s kids for an entire day and literally needing a nap to keep myself awake past 5pm. (no longer than a 20 minute power nap, but still).
The jogging phase last spring worked really well for me. Coming out of a cold, dreary Ohio winter, stopping at the park three days a week and getting my creaky body to move was refreshing. Energizing. And novel. I had no false hopes that I would magically transform into a jogger (even if I led you to believe that here). I don’t enjoy jogging enough to keep at it for the rest of my life (despite my previous blog comments). And this time, there wasn’t a lot of weight loss/muscle tightening as there has been during past jogging lapses…I mean session.
And why keep at something if you don’t like it and it doesn’t seem to be working? (I could insert a comment here about a teacher I work with, but I’ll keep that to myself).
I think I’m rambling, and it’s 30 minutes til bedtime. What I got on here to say tonight, mostly for myself, is that over the last few months, I’ve really been feeling shitty and I have no one but myself to blame. Period. Well, I could pass a bit of that on to the hub, since he takes me out to dinner now and then and has good intentions, like tonight, of getting me dessert after a fairly decent dinner at home by buying me Hostess SnoBalls which I feel obligated to eat just to make him feel good (I’d rather have HoHos). But no one is pointing a gun at my temple and forcing me to eat. (no one except the voices).
Here’s what’s pissing me off about this whole extra 30 pounds thing (I like lists, in no particular order)
1. I am eating a healthy breakfast every day. I have only had donuts approximately 3 times in the last three months. If that. And one donut was a gift from my son’s best friend who works at Jolly Pirate. (He always was my favorite).
2. I’m eating light lunches. A Lean Cuisine and some type of veggie or fresh fruit to go with, a water or diet Ginger Ale or plain iced tea. I’ve had a cafeteria lunch twice. Once was the new pizza, which was the first and last time that creature gets near my mouth, and once was when I was sick and had salad for lunch…and it made me queasy. Corn dogs at school never make me queasy. Occasionally I’ll add in a yogurt. Or maybe sunflower seeds. All properly portioned, of course.
3. I’m having this issue with severe sugar/chocolate/candy cravings after lunch and dinner. For example, today I as 110% satisfied with my roasted turkey lean cuisine and apple. But about ten minutes later, I practically ate my arm off to get a piece of halloween candy from my good-reward-for-the-kids stash, which turned into two pieces which turned into four and a hunk of Dove chocolate. And I wasn’t even remotely hungry. I kept telling myself as I shoveled in the mini Twix, but the connection to the brain was lost when those chocolately atoms hit my tongue. Like I’ve lost all common sense. I have two degrees from college yet I don’t know how to stop eating when I’m not hungry? Ridiculous.
4. Likewise, I was a fool and purchased a huge-ass (I can use that word because it’s what the candy creates) bag of tootsie roll-related candy. I didn’t do this under the premise of halloween, but under the premise (is it a premise if it’s true and factual?) of being very dedicated to my writing over the last few months, and in preparation for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) in November, which I’ll be doing for the first time ever. Why tootsie rolls for writing? Because in grad school (I told you I have two degrees) I did a research project on how I learn using different multiple intelligences (modalities, if you’re into that type of stuff). My discovery was that when I have something chewy or something to suck on (Hey, candy. This is the food blog, not the porno blog), it literally helps me focus on the work I’m doing. If I start working on an essay, if I suck on a tootsie pop, it really does help keep me focused for much longer than if I didn’t. So I bought the candy in hopes I’d be a NYT best selling author by now. All I got was a New York sized waistline.
5. Another thing that pisses me off (in case you’ve forgotten why I started this list): my Wii Fit. The kid forced me to get one a month ago. I like it. Fun, cute, interactive, my Mii is utterly adorable and never has a bad hair day…but the body test every morning was pissing me off to no end. I know weight fluctuates. But in the days before the gianormous bag of candy in my kitchen, I was gaining three pounds a day after walking, eating healthy and drinking all my water. Oh, and 45 minutes of Wii Fit thrown in for good measure. WTF? I know I’m fat but I did not gain 5.4 pounds in a single day. Unless the dog was on my back on the balance board.
There are other reasons I’m pissed but it’s close to bedtime and I’m losing steam. I think what I’m most hacked off about is that I’ve let this weight creep up while bitching about it but doing nothing about it, really, except giving in to my stupid behaviors that are leading me right into trouble. I can’t diss the entire candy bag, but I need to stop eating three pieces here, three there, six later, two for midnight, etc. And I need to exercise more. Period. I recently read a research report where they found that folks who did an average of 300 minutes of exercise per week were the best losers of all. I used to do that, count minutes. Then my pedometer ran out of batteries.
I just found the pedometer today, accidentally, in the bathroom drawer. Do you think that’s a sign?
Thanks for letting me vent. You know I’ll be back. Except next time, I’ll make it entertaining.