Archive for February 16th, 2010
So, yeah. Remember me? The one who owns this blog? Yeah. Bet you thought I got lost in a sprinkle factory, huh? Heck, I don’t blame you. It certainly would have been a much more exciting two week missing span of time in my life to discuss–unfortunately, it’s not.
Again on the mysterious bent, let’s just say that as of today, February 16th, I think the worst of the surprises to my personal life will be at a minimum. Yes, of course, I realize that I’ve just jinxed myself and invited all kinds of horrible things to befall my path. However, given the two issues I’ve just survived over the last 30 days and lived to tell about, not much can shock or pin me down the way these two have, at least in terms of my personal life that is.
And no, I won’t tell you what. Maybe later, maybe in another couple of months when I feel able to discuss them, but for now you’re just going to have to deal with the secrecy.
What I find most interesting (aside from the fact that both events happened on the 10th–one on the 10th of January, one on the 10th of February–dear god, look out March 10th…) is that I didnt’ give up my weight-loss pursuit as a result. In the past it would truthfully take one-quarter the amount of life distress to make me flee my diet plans and run to the nearest Jolly Pirate (sadly at the end of my street, across from the Tim Horton’s) and drown my cursed luck in a vat of Boston Cream. Something is different this time, something that pulled me back and made me remember–hey, you’ve made progress (almost 10 pounds lost since the start of the year, three workouts weekly, being mindful of what goes in the old piehole). Don’t let some idiot’s bad decisions (which do ultimately affect you) that had nothing to do with you ruin YOUR GOALS.
I actually took ownership of my weight loss goals this time around. While I can’t control what people do, say or lie about, what I realized is that I ***I*** can (and need to) control my own actions. And when I aligned my actions and thoughts to losing sixty pounds (more or less) by my 40th birthday next year, I determined that nothing external can get in the way of that. That’s my constant. My escape and my resolve. I can’t make people tell me the truth, I can’t make them realize how much they’ve hurt me but I can make myself work out when I feel like crying, can limit what I eat to healthy foods, can add a twenty minute powerwalk to my lunch time at school.
I’ve never been a fan of (or friend with, for long) people who constantly say “I can’t”. Honestly, it gets on my nerves. If you want something bad enough, you will. If you can’t, you’re not trying hard enough or going in the right direction. Granted, I’ve said “I can’t” plenty of times, but not when it comes to something I want. I’m stronger than that. Smarter. More clever than that. If I think I can’t, then I can’t. If I think I can but it will be hard, I need to find ways around the “can’t” part of the equation.
Right now, my way around the problems in my personal life are teaching me that people are not what they seem, that truth is evidently subjective to interpretation and that what you think you want may not be what you want. But my way around is also forcing me to take the only action to improve myself that I know how–eating healthy and exercising–which I know without reservation will serve me best in the long run, no matter how other things shake out.
Can I be honest? I’m putting 5 & 6 together because these past two weeks I really haven’t been able to remember much of anything–least of all what I’ve done workout-and-diet wise.
I probably could if I’d have kept up the stickers-on-the-calendar approach, but most of the last 14 days is a blur and not for a good reason.
What I find most important to report is that I really didn’t stray too far from goals. In addition to personal issues, the last two weeks were literally the busiest of the year (for all of 2010 I’ll bet) in terms of things to do and places to go. Snow days caused the hubby’s basketball team to reschedule games, in a one-week span, on a Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. Add to that a parent-teacher conference (to which I only had one parent show up…disappointing), training a new student teacher, a holiday I hate passionately and another smashingly busy week of games and more conferences, and it’s a wonder I’m even alive to give a report.
But I am. Forgive the brevity of my points here but I want to keep up appearances 
I did have fries, once, the Friday after the second “bomb” dropped on me. I had about ten fries from my kid’s dinner and yes, I did it with the full knowledge of what I was doing. I am an emotional eater and it was easier to stuff those things down than resist. I didn’t enjoy them and probably won’t eat any more again.
No pop.
Dogger isn’t getting walked until May. We’ve got about 4 feet of snow outside from a wicked storm and our streets aren’t even plowed. That was a dumb goal. Good for dogger, dumb taking the season into account. I’ve promised her I’ll make it up to her in the spring. We walk practically every day from spring to winter so she’s not too angry.
Working out–when I can. If I have an open evening I work out. I don’t know what that’s amounted to over the past two weeks–maybe four workouts total. I am working out with the Wii, still, Wii Active in specific, so Bob Greene’s whiny voice makes me feel all kinds of guilt when I don’t give my all. Wish he’d never heard of squats and lunges, but what can you say?
I’m cheating myself on the yoga. Yes, no time, as indicated above, but no real gumption to do it. I really think meditation would be more beneficial for me given my current issues but I have done neither. Freaking slacker.
I’m looking forward to the end of this ten week challenge and the start of a new one (yes, a new one). My goals seem sorta out of touch with what I need to do and need readjusting. Just like my life. If only life came in easily digestable ten week chunks….