So, yeah. Remember me? The one who owns this blog? Yeah. Bet you thought I got lost in a sprinkle factory, huh? Heck, I don’t blame you. It certainly would have been a much more exciting two week missing span of time in my life to discuss–unfortunately, it’s not.
Again on the mysterious bent, let’s just say that as of today, February 16th, I think the worst of the surprises to my personal life will be at a minimum. Yes, of course, I realize that I’ve just jinxed myself and invited all kinds of horrible things to befall my path. However, given the two issues I’ve just survived over the last 30 days and lived to tell about, not much can shock or pin me down the way these two have, at least in terms of my personal life that is.
And no, I won’t tell you what. Maybe later, maybe in another couple of months when I feel able to discuss them, but for now you’re just going to have to deal with the secrecy.
What I find most interesting (aside from the fact that both events happened on the 10th–one on the 10th of January, one on the 10th of February–dear god, look out March 10th…) is that I didnt’ give up my weight-loss pursuit as a result. In the past it would truthfully take one-quarter the amount of life distress to make me flee my diet plans and run to the nearest Jolly Pirate (sadly at the end of my street, across from the Tim Horton’s) and drown my cursed luck in a vat of Boston Cream. Something is different this time, something that pulled me back and made me remember–hey, you’ve made progress (almost 10 pounds lost since the start of the year, three workouts weekly, being mindful of what goes in the old piehole). Don’t let some idiot’s bad decisions (which do ultimately affect you) that had nothing to do with you ruin YOUR GOALS.
I actually took ownership of my weight loss goals this time around. While I can’t control what people do, say or lie about, what I realized is that I ***I*** can (and need to) control my own actions. And when I aligned my actions and thoughts to losing sixty pounds (more or less) by my 40th birthday next year, I determined that nothing external can get in the way of that. That’s my constant. My escape and my resolve. I can’t make people tell me the truth, I can’t make them realize how much they’ve hurt me but I can make myself work out when I feel like crying, can limit what I eat to healthy foods, can add a twenty minute powerwalk to my lunch time at school.
I’ve never been a fan of (or friend with, for long) people who constantly say “I can’t”. Honestly, it gets on my nerves. If you want something bad enough, you will. If you can’t, you’re not trying hard enough or going in the right direction. Granted, I’ve said “I can’t” plenty of times, but not when it comes to something I want. I’m stronger than that. Smarter. More clever than that. If I think I can’t, then I can’t. If I think I can but it will be hard, I need to find ways around the “can’t” part of the equation.
Right now, my way around the problems in my personal life are teaching me that people are not what they seem, that truth is evidently subjective to interpretation and that what you think you want may not be what you want. But my way around is also forcing me to take the only action to improve myself that I know how–eating healthy and exercising–which I know without reservation will serve me best in the long run, no matter how other things shake out.