Putting away pretzels the boys failed to put away the night before and I ate two of them before I even realized that a) I don’t like pretzel sticks and b) I didn’t need/want to eat them. ah, well, Live & learn.
A great way to start my day. I didn’t even need coffee. Well, maybe I did. But I didn’t give in.
I’m still working on the picture thing. But I am taking pictures of what I’ve eaten today–tea for breakfast and a (cr)Happy meal for lunch. I’m not binging, there’s a story there for later.
What I’m lamenting now is how much I still want to keep eating despite the hamburger and apple dippers and one fry. Another story. Come back later. I’m just disappointed that I took my time in eating the food but it feels like I didn’t eat anything. I smell the remains, smells lovely and meaty and such. Just don’t feel like I ate anything.
As my friend Timmy tells me when I get wound up (I’ll tell you more about him later), I need to shut my piehole.
In a further effort to shame myself publically with all the crap I eat, I’m starting a new category right now: What’s Going In The Piehole, affectionately shortened to: the Piehole. I’m trying to link up my cellphone to take pictures of every god-forsaken thing I choose to shove into my mouth during the course of the day.
I’m working out bugs. No, I didn’t eat bugs. Technology bugs. No, I didn’t eat…oh, forget it. You’ll see soon enough if it works.
You do know I gave up on this blog, don’t you? Not gave up as in ‘he’ll never ask me to the prom’ but gave up as in ‘it’s too much work and I’m bored’. I would have deleted it had I not paid a whopping $7 for the domain name. Yes, that’s right. I’m back because I’m cheap.
And my eating is getting out of control.
It shouldn’t be. I was doing a great job on the losing and maintaining weight thing. I did several raw food stints this year and managed to scrape off about 10-15 pounds total, and, even better, keep them off. Unfortunately, something in my atmosphere in the last three weeks or so has really triggered horrible eating and binging habits to erase some of that. I feel like I’m the sausage in the pants again. Ohh, not that way. Like I’m squeezing myself into a casing. And I hate that feeling.
I am back here to the blog for one reason: to humiliate myself into snapping out of whatever the hell made me eat a bag of bridge mix for dinner and a couple of chocolate covered cherries for dessert, as well as stirfry for dinner when I know perfectly damn well I was NOT even remotely hungry. My plan is to use my blog to both vent and be accountable.
The thing is, none of this is holiday related. No one is bringing in cookie plates or candy samples to school. I am still planning my nice, fairly moderate count weight watcher points based meals, even if they did screw me up with this whole new plan that actually assigns 8 points to a food that has 4 points listed on the package. I know, right? WTF?! I’m dealing with that. But this binge mentality has its roots in Thanksgiving, which I managed to do well with. No real stuffing myself, maybe a little more than normal, but only one plate and a couple of desserts I couldn’t miss.
I am flummoxed as to this bender’s origination but I want to stamp it out. Oh, and I should mention I fell off the exercise wagon a little before that. Not a good combination.
I’ve tried this Weight Watchers Points thing before. Come to think of it, I’ve tried every diet known to mankind and then some. I’ve tried eating diets, starvation diets, one-food diets, soup diets, veggie and fruit diets, protein-no-carb…carb-no-meat…if you can name it, I’ve tried it (with the exception of Nutri-System. One of my oldest besties tried it earlier this spring and had a hankering to hunt down Marie Osmond and kick her lying, overprocessed-food filled body for fibbing about the deliciousness of what my friend termed “expensive cardboard crap”.
And every single one of the diets started with a bang. No one ever has a bad first day of dieting, do they? There’s something intrinsic in the human spirit that makes us excited, thrilled, wound up to start something new, whether it’s a lifetime eating plan or a college class. That first day is always exciting, always hopeful and full of promise, easy to navigate because there’s some invisible boost of happiness that keeps us facing even the worst pitfalls with a smile on our face.
Until reality sets in. Today was reality. And for the first time in my dieting life, I did not lie. Not on the scale, because I still don’t really have the courage to weigh myself (tomorrow, I promise)–instead in my point accounting. Might not sound like a big deal, but one of my biggest problems in trying to shed this extra ass over the years is not being honest when it comes to calorie counts. In some cases, it’s because I’m ashamed that I’ve eaten so much. In some cases, it’s because I don’t think “a little bite of this” or “a tiny taste of that” will matter. In some cases, I’m just being a lazy ass and don’t want to take the time to poke in my points.
But today was different. Yesterday I managed to turn off the constant urge to shove stuff in my mouth, what with all the extra post-graduation party food lying around, and I tried to build on that. I made a healthy breakfast, decent lunch, chose wisely with the help of my iTouch at dinner and even added the small cone from DQ that Dogger made me order against my will. Am I scared that I spent 10 more points on my food today than I was allotted at the start? Hell yes. But I am also watching my activity points increase and like the sense of challenge they are creating in me. I’ve tallied 8 total activity points, which will begin being used once I burn up my extra 35 points, so in the meantime my new temporary goal is to work toward growing my stash of activity points to 20 by the end of the week. It’s alternately difficult and easy to grow those points, and maybe I’m just a little bit jr. high in the fascination I’m getting by calculating point possibilities, but I’m ultimately proud that I didn’t lie by omission on those points today.
There is always tomorrow…but donuts are only a measly 7 points…
So I was going to start this post with something like “it hasn’t really been that long since I’ve blogged”, but then I forgot my password to log on to the blog, which kind of goes against what I’m preaching.
So, yeah. It’s been a while. I successfully parasailed (though all photos have been destroyed, especially the ones of us coming back to the boat), finished up another school year (the kids were great this year) and officially started my first day of summer vacation today. How, you ask?
By dieting. Actually, not really dieting. I have to quit using the word diet because it implies that at some point I will stop and magically be able to keep off weight I’ve lost with minimal effort due to my new, wonderful lifestyle. This has to be a whole-brain transformation kind of thingie: more exercise, healthier food, more activity, smarter portions…it’s enough to make me want to give up and bury my face in what remains of my son’s stale leftover graduation cake (and if it had been buttercream icing and not whipped, I’d already be there. Again.).
But I’m not. I’m forging forward. Armed with my newly installed Weight Watchers Points app on my iTouch and a serious revulsion to all the photos of me over the last few frenzied graduation weeks, I am planning to live a little differently this summer.
And today actually went well. The dogger and I started the day with a two mile walk (intended to be a one-miler but due to my horrible math deficiency, it was actually 2.17), a healthy breakfast and lunch, carrots for a snack. No candy, no junk (despite the remnants of the kid’s graduation party, including everything from Coke to buttermints to Doritos and the afore-mentioned stale cake). Only one hour of TV (I’m not giving up the Y&R. Just not going to do it), no nap…
The only place I faltered was dinner. I had been insistent all day that I was NOT going to eat leftovers from yesterday’s shin dig (wings, shredded chicken sandwiches, meatballs…doritos)….but when the hub got a reffing gig at the last minute and came home famished and I had nothing ready–it seemed a waste to make something. So we did have leftovers, but I did so with a mind on portion control. I only slipped up when the kid brought the bag of Doritos outside and we munched mindlessly and chatted. But I didn’t go hog-wild and I added the points on my tracker.
I’m done eating for the night, and am going to take the dogger for one more mile walk before sunset. Let’s hope that today’s success replicates itself tomorrow…and tomorrow…and tomorrow….