Posts Tagged ‘resentment’
So I got to thinking about all the anger and bitterness I still hold, to this day, toward Deirdre. I know, I should get over it since it started back in the days of cassette tapes and Farrah Fawcett hair flips. Mind you, this is about more than the bus trip and bullying. This girl was a flat-out snotty rich, mean bitch from my first memories of her. Not just toward me but toward anyone who didn’t meet her standard. And there were lotsa sub-standards around.
If I saw a therapist today, I could only imagine what she’d think about my still-hot anger for a person I have only seen maybe four times (in passing) in the last twenty years. But I could very well tell you right now what that therapist will try to sell me in terms of my fat girl life: that if I let go of the resentment, I’ll let go of the weight.
There are so many–SOOOooooo many–bullshit lines us fat girls get fed on a regular basis that skinny girls don’t get. From diet programs and books to therapists who’ve never been fat a day in their life to well-meaning health care people to average people who want to “give advice”, everyone has a saying to offer to the fat girl. Curious? Here’s a smattering:
“Nothing tastes better than skinny feels.”
“You’re hiding behind the fat because it feels safe.”
“Do something with your hands, like knitting or sewing, and you’ll eat less.”
Can you imagine telling a skinny girl who wants to put on weight that she’s hiding behind her skinniness because it feels safe? How ridiculous is that? People think they’re helping with their free advice and commentary, but what they’re doing is proving just how stupid they really are. Weight loss comes down to two simple steps that anyone can comprehend: eat less, exercise more. Period.
Back to this thought that if I could “release” my anger, I’d “release” my extra weight. I know you fat girls have heard something similar over the years, and, like me, you’d rather just watch the offender/bully slathered in honey and tied to a red ant hill. Sure, I may still have some lingering self-image problems because of the bully but I’m not lugging around 60+ pounds of an extra ass because I won’t forgive the bitch.
If that were the truth–if losing weight was as easy as forgiving all the transgressions of others against us over the course of our years, don’t you think we’d have done it already? No, thanks. I’d rather have that bitterness somewhere inside so when I do my Wii Boxing, I have someone’s face to imagine on the targets.